RIP George Carlin

It’s a sad day as the great George Carlin (aka Rufus from Bill and Ted!), has passed on. Therefore it only seems fitting to relive his greatest moment in comedy: The Seven Dirty Words You Cannot Say on TV*

* Headphones a necessity for this one!! Not quite safe for work, but still damn hilarious!

Nuking the fridge...

In case you haven't been paying attention, I hated Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull quite a bit. Well, apparently it's now introduced a whole new phrase to the English language - "to nuke the fridge". From the people who brought you "jumping the shark", comes this new bons mots of pop culture geekery which signifies the moment that a movie franchise goes from treasured cinematic gem to overly exploited abomination in one simple scene. Based on the horrific moment when Indy locks himself in a fridge to survive a nuclear blast and then merely tumbles out, Wile Coyote style at the end with barely a scratch on him, I can't think of a better phrase that sums up that moment when you know a film franchise is never going to be the same again!

Other entries that instantly spring to mind would have to be, the kitesurfing scene in Die Another Day, the alien/human hybrid from Alien Resurrection, the river of ooze in Ghostbusters 2, the moment Steve Guttenberg left the Police Acadamy (although some would argue it was dead long before then), and of course the entirety of Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace.

For more Indy hate, why not check out this abridged version of the script as well, which will save you from wasting 2 and a half hours of your life by watching this tripe again!

Happy 30th Birthday Garfield

There are a lot of people who have influenced my life and made the person that I am today. My family, my friends, my colleagues and many more have been instrumental in making me turn out just as I am today. However there is one other source, who has been as much of an inspiration to me as nearly all those listed above. This person helped shaped my moral fibre and my ethical landscape at a time when I was just finding my way in the world. My mantars on life, the universe and everything were moulded by this individual to such an extent that I do not think I would be half the man I am today, if I had not had that guiding light.

So who is this I hear you ask? If you've known me for any length of time (or had the intelligence to work out it's something to with the picture at the beginning of the blog post), then you will know that it can be only one person. And it's not even a person at that. Why, it's Garfield of course!!

What other coffee drinking, sleep loving, lasagne eating red head could it have been? And like so many others, the mighty feline is celebrating his 30th this year - and today no less!! So Happy Birthday Garfield. Have a mug of coffee, a slice of lasagne and a good old sleep from me (and just be glad that today isn't a Monday!)

Better late than never...

It's a cold, wet, windy Wednesday evening and there's an Apprentice sized hole in my weekly TV schedule. What better time than to finally get into the world of Six Feet Under. For years it's been on my 'to watch' list, alongside other TV gems like The Sopranos, 24 and Arrested Development. However with those shows now watched and enjoyed, it looks like it might finally be time to get to grips with the crazy show about the morticians.

And so far it all seems so good. Admittedly, pilot shows are always hard to get a grip on, however the Fisher family seem more than fucked up enough to make this an entertaining and engaging series. I'm going to try and pace myself with this one though and not burn through it one go, however I have a feeling that once I get into it, then this will be another TV series that, before I know it, will be over and will be cursing the fact that it is not still being made. I can only hope that it has the finite ending of an 'Office' and not the open ended finale of Jericho or Firefly.

On the plus side though, at least it's stopping me from from having to watch Big Brother, so really, how can it be bad!

The tale of the cautionary whale (aka why Juno is one of the best films I have seen in AGES!)

It's a sad fact of life, but the older you get, the less you are impressed with things - especially films. It's not that they get worse, it's just that you have a greater sphere of knowledge to compare things to. Sure, you still get the odd cracker, but somehow they're just not quite as good as ones that you have already seen. When I was 15 and discovered the films of Cameron Crowe for the first time, or when I was 19 and found Kevin Smith, then it was an exhilirating adrenaline rush of discovering a whole new world - and there's lots of it to discover and somehow you can't quite figure out why you haven't found this stuff before. It's like finding a band for the first time and then delving into their back catalogue and finding all those hidden treasures. Often what you find in there is just as mediocre as the things you will come to lament in your 'old age', but because it is fresh and new, it makes it more exciting, because it's like you are the first pioneer who discovered this, and no-one can take that away from you.

As you get older though, the discovery of great films or music seems to get less and less regular as the world gets smaller and is filled with more and more mediocrity. It's not because there are more mediocre things being produced though (although one could argue the case that these days there is a lot of bland crap coming out of Hollywood), but because you are seeing the same themes trotted out again and again and again. The shelves of your local HMV or Blockbuster are filled with a million identi-kit movies none of which you want to endure or you have endured a dozen times before. However, without mediocrity you do not come to appreciate the gems that every now and again float your way through the flotsam and jetsam of modern movie world. Just as finding that rare gem was so exhilerating as a youngster, so finding a truly great film after months, even years of mediocrity can be just such a rewarding experience as finding that movie gem for the very first. And so it was, that watching Juno for the second time tonight, I cannot help but think that this is genuinely one of the best films I have seen in years.

On paper it shouldn't be the kind of film I like. It's about teenage girls for a start, a subject I was scared of when I was a teenage boy, let alone now I am a nearly 30 year old man-child. But it's about a pregnant one at that! It's also touchingly emotional, and genuinely sweet, which should be causing my testosterone to rise up in my loins and make me change the channel over to watch Euro 2008, instead I just want to sit here and see what happens again to the annoying pregnant brat, while I find myself quoting lines along even at this early stage!

It would be easy to pin the reason for the movie's general fantastic-ness on the Oscar winning script (and quite rightly it won), however I think the main reason for it's general greatness has to be the cast and the brilliant job Jaons 'son of Ivan' Reitman has done in getting them to be complete characters, not caricatures. Whether it is the brilliantly annoying, yet somehow highly sympathetic Ellen Page as Juno, or the cooler-than-thou prescence of Arrested Development's Jason Bateman and the brilliantly awkward Michale Cera it's a cast that is cool enough to elevate this above the average teenage pregancy comedy, but not make it too self-indulgent and unwatchasble. It also has CJ from the West Wing in it which is always going to make it good in my book! However for me it is Jennifer Garner as Vanessa, who's controlled desperation steals the show for me and gives the film a real emotional heart that separates it from the rest. At the end of the day, Juno is a supporting character for the story of Vanessa's journey to get the child she always wanted, while having to trust an irksome high schooler and and even more deadbeat husband along the way. And what's even better is that the film toys with trite cliche, but steers the perfect course that touches on it just enough, but never getting sucked in and destroyed on the rocks on schmaltz!

In many ways, watching Juno is like discovering those John Hughes or Kevin Smith films. I certainly can't think of a film I loved this much, since I saw Ferris Bueller's Day Off when I was kid or even Clerks when I was at uni. When I found them, maybe I was too young to appreciate them, however they set the high watermark for what I regard as genuinely great films. Now, although I'm probably too old (and the wrong gender) to worship Juno McDuff in the same that I idolised Ferris when I was in my teens, and that is probably why I get more out of the older characters than I do the main stars. However I have a feeling that this will end up being a film I will watch again and again over the years, and I hope that it brings as much enjoyment in the future as it does right now.

Perhaps the film is summed up perfectly at the end when Juno turns to Bleaker and tells him, "You're like... the coolest person I've ever met and you don't even have to try." And that is Juno. The irony being that Paulie replies by saying he tries really hard, and just as he tried so hard to be cool and impress her, you can tell that this has been a labour of love for those involved and it is time and effort well spent, because this is definitely the coolest film I have seen in a long, long time.

All hail S'Ralan's new Apprentice!!

So cockney wide-boy Lee McQueen beat off gobby northerner Claire Young to win the Apprentice 2008 - now that's what I'm talking about!! Despite lying on his CV and doing an impression of a prehistoric lizard bird, the cockney geeeezer managed to eek out the win, thanks in part to being not as annoying as his opponent. Despite making a men's fragrance that was firml rooted in the 1970s, and made him 'feel like a man' and smell like one too, it could have all been a lot worse. At least thanks to Claire's presentational skills we were saved from Pig Face Helene and Alex the drip from being in the final two!!

All in all though, this was a fitting finale to waht has been another excellent series of the Apprentice. Whether it was the cheating in Marakesh, the environmental greetings cards or the fantastic interviews with S'Ralan's business buddies, the show has proved once again, why it is a cut above your Celebrity Wife Swap in a Kitchen. The secret of why the Apprentice is such compelling TV is that unlike the other reality TV shows where you either need to be a fame-hungry-wannabe or a fame-starved-has-been, the Apprentice is actually based real people with real creidble skills. It's not about the popularity a certain contestant might have with the great unwashed. After all, if that was the case, then both Lee and Claire would have been booted out weeks ago and posh dimwits Raife or Lucinda would have ended winning (no doubt, much the chagrin of S'Ralan!)


But the question now, is what to watch on a Wednesday evening? It's either the blind transvestite and the arguing albino on Big Brother, or it's European footbal involving countries we've never heard. Looks like I might actually have to start leaving the house in the evenings - then again, there's always the Apprentice repeats and spin-offs on iPlayer!

The greatest toy EVER?

Today's question of the day is simple...

Has there ever been a a better toy than Lego?

Now, I know that it's not the coolest thing in the world, but hear me out. Sure, Transformers were more complex, He-Man had more personality and Thunder Cats had a cooler catch phrase (hooooooo), but is there a more enduring toy from childhood than those little plastic blocks from Denmark? (Not to mention a toy that has it's own Funland!)

The big bucket of Lego I had as kid is still in parents loft at home, and I can still remember vividly playning Space Lego and listening to Transformers talking books at Seyton Bradford's house when I was 6, or building cars round at Martin Whitelock's house when I was 8, so clearly it has etched itself on my childhood like no other toy I can remember. My Star Wars toys have gone to the jumble sale, and my action man is languishing in a landfill somewhere, but not my Lego, that is a toy for the ages and so has pride of place in the Thomas loft where I know it will be safe until I need it once more!

After all, not only was Lego great to play with, but it was like a rite of passage as you grew up with them. Moving from from Duplo, to Lego Basic, to Technics and then beyond was as much a part of growing up as riding a bike, going to big school or the fateful day your body changed and you realized that you'd never be able to sing alto in the school choir again. As much as I loved my Lego Castle set, the minute I got my forkift truck Technics, I knew I was growing up, even more so than when I got my first razor, and I knew it wouldn't be long before I left childhood behind and finally became a man!

But, who am I kidding, really?! I was still collecting Lego well into my 20s and it is that habit that has in part inspired this blog post, as today I packaged up my Star Wars Lego to sell on Ebay once and for all. However, before selling off yet another chunk of my [second] childhood, I managed to rediscover one final moment of infantile joy as I set about building my Lego TIE Fighter and X-Wing for one last time. Amazed that I had all the pieces, I was still as excited to build these models when I was 10 and was trying to piece together my Lego Town Police Station. Alas, owing to my complete incompetence over the years, I somehow managed to lose all the instuction manuals and so I thought my cause was lost and that this final moment was t be ruined. However, thanks to a search of the interweb, I managed to find this awesome site with complete database of every Lego instruction manual ever produced - how cool is that?! So, just like when I was a kid, I followed the instructions to the letter - no deviating from the rules and had one last evening of fun with my Lego!!

However, not only did it give me one last moment of slightly melanchoilc, retrospection, it also reminded me of one of my favourite childhood memories that came as a result of Lego. It must have been 1989 or so, and Simon Crofts and I teamed up with the couple of other kids from the Broadmayne Cub Scout troop to take on the other neighbouring villages in a Lego Building Competition. Simon and I were pretty confident as I had just been given some fantastic 'Sight and Sound' Lego for my birthday, which had lights and sounds and all sorts. Alas, this was to be banned by some draconian dragon of a scout leader because it 'wasn't fair' to the other pikey kids who didn't have such luxiries. And then, to make matters worse, they made us all swap round and try and build something using the crap that some loser from another village had supplied. Little did I know at the time, that those losers from another village would be Daver and Clive (who I'm still friends with to this day), although I have a sneaking suspicion we ended up with Lego that belonged to Chris 'the mental case' Clarke (who was also there that day) and that explains why we lost! However, that day was still memorable enough that 10 years later, all of use who were there still remembered it and were amazed at the coincidence of us all being there at such a formative age, all thanks to the greatness of Lego.

You'll have to excuse me now though, I have to go and break a flat 'two-er' off a '4 by 8 strip' with my teeth, as my nails just aren't long enough any more to manage. I'll try not to leave any teeth marks, but there's no guarantee I won't!

Tony Stark is back (already!)

Let's be honest, the best thing about Ironman wasn't the big metal suits. Or the jet-plane racing. Or the tank-smashing. Or even the geek-tastic ending with 'Whats-his-name' as 'You-Know-Who'*. No, it was RDJ who didn't so much 'play' Tony Stark, he WAS Tony Stark!! And so it is with a slight exclamation of geeky joy, that I found out via the Empire website that he is making a cameo in the new Hulk film and here it is! Until a month ago, I couldn't care less about the Hulk movie, but now I am beginning to get a little over-excited about the prospect of Hulk smashing up the screen and can't wait for another trip to the multiplex! If it's anything like Ironman and nothing like the last Hulk movie, then there is no way this can't be all kinds of awesome!!

*Believe it or not, some people still haven't seen this geek-tastic post-credits ending, so far be it from me to spoil it for them! (You can see it here if you want to though!)

Things that make you proud to be from the West Country #2578

"Go on! 'Ave 'im!! Kick 'im!!"
For those looking to take the February Swim on to new levels then what about Shin Kicking?! For those not in the know, it's part of the 'Cotswald Olimpicks' which took place this past weekend Chipping Campden, Gloucestershire. You can read a full review of it HERE and I think this is definitely something to try and persuade Steve and Dave K that they should start training for'! It makes you proud to be from the West Country though, doesn't it?!

Lost in Lost (contains SPOILERS!)

Good news everybody! After four epic, twisting, mind-tangling and all round head-f**king series, the question that all Lost fans have wanted answered has finaly been revealed! Yes, they finally, finally, FINALLY get off the chuffing island!!!

Now for more dedicated followers of the passengers of Oceanic Flight 816, this may not be the big whodunnit that they were hoping to get answered. No, for those of us who have been watching since the beginning we're more interested in the significance of the polar bears, Locke's new 'alias' of Jeremey Bentham, the mystical powers that allowed Walt's voice to drop an octave, and, of course, the ultimate question of how does Jim from Neighbours get so many cushy roles on TV?!

But, for your casual viewer, the question they have always wanted to know the answer to is simple - do they ever get off that bloody island?! And now you can answer them with a simple yes, and let them can go back their mundane lives, watching Holby Blue, or My Family, or whatever bland substitute for proper telly they occupy their evenings with instead. However, in a nutshell you have there, the reason for Lost's success, but also the reason why it is not an easy watch. Sure, it's the program that asks questions and keeps people on the edge of their seat for the next episode. However it is also the program that makes even it's most ardent of fans work for those answers, and sometimes they aren't exactly easy to find.

For hardened fan's it is often a battle of attrition to wade through the minefield of unanswered questions, half questioned answers and good old fashioned WTF moments (I mean, does anyone honestly have a reasonable explanation of the black smoke - didn't think so!). With 86 episodes in the can and other 2 seasons (of 16 episodes each) to go, then you have wonder just where the hell they are going with this show. However as long a they keep making thoughtful, intelligent and damn right brain-scramblingly weird TV, they will have me as a viewer (and season 4 has only helped to re-enforce that resolve!).

After all, isn't it a good thing that not everyone gets it. Just like the island itself, in order to reap the rewards of the show itself, you have to pesevere and find the secret of the island itself before it will reward you with it'sbountiful goodness. Let's just hpe that the final denouement isn't a collossal disappointment that proves all the naysayers right. There's enough msytery and intrigue to keep this show going for another couple of years and by then, even Kate might have decided which one of her boys she is finally going to end up with - but I doubt it! The island maybe be miraculous, but it's not that miraculous!!